I know that time cannot stand still because I want it to. But some things in life are just simply unfair. This morning was Paige's funeral and somehow it seems completely wrong that life goes on without skipping a beat, while my entire world has just come to a screeching halt.
Part of me feels so cheated that my daughter isn't here with me. And another part of me feels grateful for the short while that I had with her. Feeling her grow inside my tummy and seeing her ultrasounds were both pretty amazing things. I was so excited to be having a daughter. As strange as it may seem, even after she had passed and I delivered her, I felt content just to hold her in my arms. But tonight my arms are empty. It is such a strange feeling to know that her body is in the ground now. I cannot see her face or hold her close to me again anytime soon and my heart aches. I know that her body was only a shell and that her soul is with the Lord, but that little body was hers here on earth and I miss it.
They say that time in heaven is compared to a blink of an eye for us on this earth, and tonight, it helps me to think of my daughter running on ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies. I am imagining her so utterly happy and completely caught up in what she is doing, that by the time she turns around to see if I'm behind her...I will be. I can't wait to hold her in my arms again and to tell her how much I love her.
I also cannot wait for her brother Trenton to meet her. Sometimes I feel like she comes to him in dreams. The past three nights he has been laughing in his sleep and I like to think that maybe...just maybe...he is dreaming of the two of them running through the park or going to the zoo or simply playing with toys together on the living room floor.
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